


Closing In

by lodessa



Category: Baseball RPF, Real Person Fiction, Sports RPF
Genre: Anal Sex, Infidelity, M/M, Open Marriage, Oral Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-29
Updated: 2012-10-29
Packaged: 2017-11-17 06:45:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/548738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lodessa/pseuds/lodessa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There is something else Ryan finds helps, aside from all the deep breathing and meditation and focus.  There is something else that has always helped and it is the attention of those that have that natural star power, the people the cameras love and the press worships.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Closing In

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sophiahelix](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sophiahelix/gifts).



Ryan Vogelsong has never been the star. Even when he was in high school and undeniably the best athlete on the team, he wasn’t that guy whose picture always ended up on the front page of the newspaper. That honor went to a good friend and slightly above average player instead. He wasn’t unpopular either; he wasn’t ignored and he wasn’t bullied. He just never has had that thing that makes everyone want to pay attention without you having to do anything. It is one of the many things he has had to make peace with in his patchwork career.

Focus on the game. Focus on the people who matter. Take deep breaths. Breath in through your nose and out through your mouth. Pitch don’t throw. Stop worrying about everyone else and let your catcher throw some winning signs. Tune out everything else. There are only three people in your entire world in this moment. You, the batter, and your catcher. Don’t get caught up on how much more press a no decision for Tim Lincecum gets than any win you earn. Don’t count the jersey backs with other players’ names on them in the stands. Above all else you have to remember that, even while the crowd loves Buster Posey and Sergio Romo, even though you had the best ERA in baseball and didn’t get invited to the All Star game, even though teammates ten years younger than you command more respect in and out of the clubhouse, you can’t afford to think about that. You can feel the pain, experience your grief but you have to let it go. You have to let it flow from you, because if you don’t it will eat away at you and destroy your command. So you have to let it go. 

There is something else Ryan finds helps, aside from all the deep breathing and meditation and focus. There is something else that has always helped and it is the attention of those that have that natural star power, the people the cameras love and the press worships. Sometimes it is almost harder to hide that enjoyment than to block out the negativity. It is hard not to let it show when fucking golden boy Buster Posey relies on you to reassure him he isn’t a failure when things fall apart with Tim, when things go a little too well with Matt and he feels guilty, when even he can’t save Madison from himself. Relax he tells Buster. Focus on the games. Ryan has every possible maxim about how to be zen about baseball and its vagaries memorized by heart and Buster apparently craves that from him. At first that was all it was, pep talks and meditation sometimes. It isn’t the first time this has happened to him. Ryan is the kind of guy that people like Buster confide in. Truthfully he likes Buster and it isn’t Buster’s fault that he has that something that makes everyone pay attention to his every move. He is happy to be Buster’s big brother, to live in the warm light that reflects off of Buster’s person. That’s the thing about those people who get all the attention, no one is immune to how fucking great it feels when they turn and focus on you.

What happens next isn’t unprecedented either. Buster isn’t at all subtle when he leans in and sticks his tongue down Ryan’s throat like a hormonal teenager one day, while they are hanging out in Ryan’s hotel room. It is sudden in that nothing directly leads up to it, but Ryan has had these kind of bromances turn into something else enough times to recognize that this was where things were heading weeks before. So, when Buster suddenly goes for it, Ryan had already debated the pros and cons. In general he has sworn off these kind of distractions. He tries to avoid every distraction but of course Buster is at the center of his pitching, the one person he has to let in when he shuts out the world to focus on being the best pitcher his body will allow. So a rejected Buster in his temple of solitude is probably going to fuck things up more than one he is having a secret gay affair with. If anything this is going to make them synergize better, he justifies to himself. When the truth is that Ryan has always have a weak spot for those people in the limelight and that popularity turns him on. 

So Ryan doesn’t turn away from Buster or close his mouth shut; instead he kisses him back and, when Buster steps the rest of his body in against him, Ryan wraps an arm around him, hand resting at the the base of Buster’s spine. He isn’t sure whether Buster is new to this or not so he lets him decide how he wants things to progress. Ryan has pretty much come to terms with being in the damned middle of the kinsey scale, but he has been around the block enough times to know that Buster at twenty five and married might not have any clue what he wants and might not be okay with it if he does know. If Buster has come this far, they are probably going to get down to it eventually, but he might startle easily at this point.

But Buster apparently is committing to this with an intensity that Ryan finds extremely hot. He grinds himself up against Ryan, letting him feel how turned on he is already and all Ryan has to do is gently move forward a little and Buster is tumbling back onto the bed holding Ryan on top of him. He moans against Ryan’s lips, arching his hips upwards without any sort of hesitation or self consciousness. Ryan can’t help but respond to Buster’s urgency, turned on by how much Buster wants this, and how flushed he looks when Ryan pulls away briefly. There is a vulnerability there that makes Ryan want to possess him all the more.

Ryan takes this moment to pull Buster’s shirt up and off over his head and does the same with his own. Buster’s hands are all over his torso, but especially on the pitcher’s muscles of his shoulders and arms. For a brief moment Ryan wonders whether Buster thinks about this when they are on the field, but then one of Buster’s hands disappears down his pants and Ryan bites his lip to keep from making an uncontrolled noise in response to how good Buster’s strong callused hands feel on him.

The next thing he knows he is pinning Buster’s arms above his head (Buster could fight him but he is not) and Buster is thrusting his hips up desperately as Ryan tastes the salty skin of his neck and shoulders, breathing on the damp skin and making Buster shudder.

“Please...” Buster gasps, rocking against Ryan until they are both straining the clothing they have on.

“Please, what?”

“Please, can I go down on you? I... I want you to fuck my face.”

Ryan can’t help smiling, “Tell me how. How do you want it?”

Buster moaned, still circling his hips, “I want you to straddle my face and make me take it all. I want to swallow you.”

He has to let go of Buster’s hands as he sits up to start unbuttoning his pants, then pulling his cock out of his boxers.

“Can you take it all off? I want to hold your ass in my hands while you do it.” Buster requests. The fact that Buster has obviously been fantasizing about this for a while turns Ryan on even more. 

“Like this?” Ryan asks, kicking off the last of his clothing and positioning himself over Buster once more, this time further up his body.

Buster responds by grabbing him by the hips and pulling him down closer to his mouth. Close enough for Buster to crane his neck forward and reach his tongue out to lick along the bottom of his erection from the base to the tip, before wrapping his perfect mouth around it and using his hands to steer Ryan deeper. Buster’s mouth is warm and wet and inviting and the look of absolute surrender on his face and the way his hands cup Ryan from behind, urging him closer, banishes any thoughts Ryan has of restraint. Remembering Buster’s words, Ryan gives in to the desire to fuck Buster’s pretty little mouth.

Bracing himself with his arms against the wall, Ryan finds himself quickly coming dangerously close to finishing and has to warn Buster that unless he wants to swallow it he is going to have to let Ryan pull away, at first he thinks Buster is going to, but he doesn’t get very far before Buster’s hands dig into his skin again as he comes all over Buster’s face and Buster seems to enjoy that too.

Half catching his breath, Ryan slides back down so that his body is even with Buster’s and kisses his sticky mouth and face, tasting himself on Buster, and feeling Buster’s hard on against him as Buster moans into his mouth. Ryan reaches down, unbuckling Buster’s pants and dragging them, along with his boxers, as he moves down Buster’s body, lips grazing Buster’s skin as he goes. Buster shudders against him, as Ryan kisses his way back up the insides on Buster’s thighs. 

“Fuck!” Buster gaps, as Ryan wraps his hand around Buster’s dick and his mouth around one of his balls, sucking lightly as he strokes firmly, thumb rubbing gently over the tip of Buster. It is the first in a string of profanities in response to what Ryan is doing between his legs. 

When Buster finishes, leaving a mess all over his torso, Ryan smiles and licks it off of him. Ten or fifteen years ago, he would have pretty much been ready to go again just because of how hot he finds Buster’s complete abandon, but being thirty-five and experienced comes at a cost. He rolls over next to Buster, and Buster looks suddenly so vulnerable as the adrenaline runs down and the reality of what they have just done hits him. Ryan remembers the first time he ever did this, being a scared kid who didn’t know how to act, whether to play it cool and be casual or what. 

“You can stay if you want.” Ryan tells him,

Buster nods and inches closer against Ryan. The bed really isn’t long enough for either of them, let alone both, but eventually they find a spooning position that more or less works. 

Ryan wakes in the predawn gray to Buster’s mouth on him and amazing as it feels Ryan wants to spend more time exploring each other this morning so he pulls Buster up to be even with his and enjoys the feels of his whole naked body pressed up against Ryan’s, erections rubbing together and hands all over each other’s backs and asses and thighs. 

Morning hookups are so different from the night before. It is intense but less rushed, Ryan rests his hand on the curve where Buster’s legs meet his ass and wonders what Buster might be into or not into. As if on cue, Buster looks him in the eye and tells him, “Please, take me.”

Ryan’s heart is pumping in his chest, “Do you mean like this?” he asks, sliding his hand over so that his fingers slip between Buster’s cheeks.

Buster nods.

“Have you ever done it before?” Ryan asks.

“Yes but not...”

“When you were the catcher?” Ryan can’t help making the obvious pun.

Buster nods again. Ryan kisses him deeply, turned on by the novelty of being the first. He doesn’t ask whether Buster’s experiences were with his wife or someone else.

Buster looks confused when Ryan pulls away to get off the bed, but Ryan gives him a reassuring look and then manages to dig the self warming lube he keeps out of his bag.

“Expecting company?” Buster says with false bravado.

“Not really, but why not use the good stuff on yourself?” Ryan admits. He mostly does keep it for jacking off by himself. The last time he made use of his wife’s understanding about the reality of being on the road all the time was before he came back to the Giants. 

He sits back on the bed and wraps his arms around Buster, “I’d rather use it for this though.” he tells him. There is something about Buster that makes him want to be sweet with him instead of casual. 

Buster moves to get on his hand and knees but Ryan has other ideas in mind, “I want to see your face.” He tells Buster, guiding him back onto his back and taking advantage of how high up a catcher’s knees are used to going, “Also, this way I can suck you while I am getting you ready.”

Ryan uses pours lube into one hand and uses the other to anchor himself. He starts out slow, coating the area around Busters’s asshole and rubbing the center of it gently, while he slides Buster’s dick into his mouth, swirling his tongue to make up for the limited range of movement in this position. He adds more lube generously, as he begins to probe with one finger shallowly, coating everything so thoroughly that the friction is minimal. When he was young and stupid, Ryan wasn’t always so careful about lubrication, but there is no reason that Buster needs to have tears well up in his eyes the way Ryan’s secret high school boyfriend had when Ryan get impatient and didn’t know any better. 

By the time that Ryan has that first finger slipping easily in and out of Buster, he is painfully hard with anticipation. Ryan knows that not everyone enjoys this part of the process but for him he is turned on by the slow submission of his partner’s body to him, the knowledge that he is responsible for both of their experience. He re-coats his fingers as he adds the second one, still using his mouth on Buster’s erection.

By the time Ryan is satisfied that Buster is ready, they are both breathing heavily. He crawls up to kiss Buster and then sits up, one of his hands moving to continue on where his mouth left off with Buster’s dick and the other moving to coat himself with lube as well. 

“Move your knees up a little higher.” He tells Buster, gazing down at him predatorily.

Buster hooks his own arms around his legs to anchor them up and looks at Ryan for approval. Ryan positions himself against Buster and Buster nods at him, as if words have failed him.

It takes a little while to find the right angle and Ryan has to keep stopping to add more lube as he works his way into Buster. Every time he starts to wonder whether this was a good idea, Buster says something like, “keep going” and Ryan has to keep ahold of himself to resist pushing in too fast. He makes sure to keep his hand pumping up and down, keeping Buster distracted from the awkwardness of this part.

Finally, he is all the way inside of Buster and he can enjoy how warm and tight Buster is around him. Buster is looking up at him, eyes and mouth wide and cheeks flushed with such openness. No one has ever looked hotter to Ryan. He wants to lean down and kiss Buster’s open mouth, but that angle won’t work.

“You look like you are in a fucking porno.” He finds himself saying, even though the words sound totally wrong when they come out of his mouth. Buster looks unsure how to take the comment as well, “I mean... Like you were made to be fucked.” Ryan adds on, he isn’t usually big with talking during sex and obviously it is not a strong suit.

Buster relaxes with a smile, “You had better fuck me then.” He tells Ryan and there is something about the dirty words coming out of that angelic looking mouth.

“Like this.” Ryan says, starting out slowly and with limited motion.

“More... long thrusts to the hilt.” Buster tells him. Ryan obliges, shifting his hand to match the new rhythm.

“Harder.” Buster murmurs, “I want to feel you slam into me.”

Ryan uses his free hand for leverage as he buries himself inside Buster over and over, slow but forceful with deliberateness. Buster seems to love the part where he is deepest the most, swearing and repeating Ryan’s name. 

Ryan can’t get enough of the way Buster says his name, of Buster’s dick pulsing in his hand, of how amazing Buster feels around him, how Buster looks spread under him, of the hunger in Buster’s eyes when he looks at him.

“Faster.” Buster moans, “Give it to me faster.” Ryan is happy to oblige, though the more Buster talks and the faster he fucks him the more Ryan feels like he is going to explode and he wants to make sure Buster has a good first experience of being taken.

He redoubles his grip around Buster’s dick, each thrust harder and more urgent as Buster keeps begging him for more.

“Buster...” he pants, “If I go any faster I am going to finish and then it will all be over.”

This seems to drive Buster even crazier, “Do it!” He almost screams, “I want to feel you shoot deep inside of me.”

That takes away any restraint that Ryan had left and he lets loose, fucking Buster as hard and fast as his body will go until he finds his release, staying buried inside him as he pumps up and down Buster, guiding him through his own orgasm, feeling the hot wet splatter against his chest and neck.

They stay that way until Ryan’s limp dick slides out of Buster and then Ryan cups Buster’s face and kisses him., one hand cupping his face.

“I’m glad it was you.” Buster tells him.

“So am I.” Ryan replies and wishes that he could just hold onto this moment forever.

The next few months are surprisingly intense. Maybe it has just been a while, but Ryan didn’t expect to get so wrapped up in this. Things are great with his wife and he figured that this thing with Buster would just be a little bonus, a thrill added on top. He thought he would be able to set it aside like he does his resentment and frustration. He was wrong. Buster, when he is not acting like a kid in school, really knows what to do with his mouth and sometimes it is hard to resist being suggestive at inappropriate times and if he even looks at Buster the wrong way he blushes like mad and honestly that turns Ryan on all the more and somedays that works out but sometimes it doesn’t. On those days it is Buster who pulls Ryan back from his mood swings with Ryan’s own tactics. They whisper reassurances into each other’s skin and Buster shudders at Ryan’s slightest touch and it takes all of Ryan’s focus to not make a sound while Buster is sucking him off for fear of being overheard. His wife would understand but their teammates and the press would not. He definitely doesn’t want to be know as the man who is fucking Buster Posey.

Ryan is having his best pitching year ever, on and off the field. The team looks like they are going to make it into the postseason and Ryan can almost feel the World Series ring on his hand. It is all going great and he even find himself restless to get back on the road when they are home just so that Buster and he have hotel rooms to screw in and less scrutiny from fans outside of the stadium. His wife points out the obvious solution of inviting Buster over under whatever pretense when they are home. She is the best thing had has even happened in his life and always will be, no matter how into Buster he is right now. He doesn’t ask Buster if his wife knows the real reason he keeps going over to Ryan’s suddenly this season. He doesn’t want to know the answer. He doesn’t want to overhear when Buster makes the call to claim he is too drunk to drive home so that he can spend the night in the comfort of Ryan’s arms. 

Things are going so great that he doesn’t see the bump in the road coming. He is completely surprised when Buster decides he wants to shake things up in the bedroom.

“You know what would be hot...” Buster begins suggestively.

“If you are about to suggest the locker room showers again I am going to have to point out that while I am sure it would be amazing it would also be too risky.” He smiles at the familiarity.

“Someday, I am going to figure out the logistics for that.” Buster vows, “But I was thinking of something else. What do you say to switching things up and-”

“We are not doing this before games...”

“Ryan” Buster drawls suggestively, while his hand lazily strokes his cock, “I want to fuck you this time.”

The way he says it, Ryan is pretty sure that Buster doesn’t expect this to throw him off at all. Buster usually knows instinctively what Ryan needs, here and out there and it sort of freaks him out how off base he is right now. Ryan’s heart is hammering in his chest and not in a good way. How can Buster not know? Ryan has to be in control; it is the only thing that keeps him together. Vulnerability, being passive, being the receiver of actions instead of the person originating them, all of that sends him into a panic. 

He can’t know. Because, Buster would never intentionally make his chest so tight he feels like he is going to die, and as soon as he sees Ryan’s face and feels his body react to his suggestion he backs off with a casual, “Maybe another time.”

Ryan doesn’t want to talk about it. They never talk when they are together like this. So he pulls Buster down onto the bed against him and kisses him. All night he is tender with Buster, trying to make this feel like it isn’t a rejection. He can still feel the distance springing up between them though. Even as they are lying in a sweaty sticky mess together, Ryan knows that things will never be the same.

He starts losing games. They don’t exactly stop hooking up but if becomes less often and less intense and the wall between them keeps getting wider. Instead of being cathartic it just feels sad.

Buster starts hanging out with Tim again and Madison. Ryan feels old. He goes to bed early and gets to practice early. He struggles with his command. When they get home from the latest road trip his wife can tell immediately.

It feels good to talk about it. About Buster and his pitching and how frustrated he feels. Just like when his career was at his lowest point she knows just what to say, how to help without shaking his already faltering confidence. 

“So you are breaking up with the boy wonder because he wants to be on top sometimes?” She laughs without malice.

And just like that it does seem ridiculous to him. All the time he has spent on letting go and accepting and clearing his mind and he is letting this rigid bullshit derail his life. They make love and it is perfect, and he feels refreshed and ready to face the future.

When Buster doesn’t immediately respond to his texts he feels nauseous and panicked. This was supposed to be his reassurance, but they passed that a long time ago. He sleeps poorly and pitches like crap during the first inning the next day.

Buster comes over to the mound to talk him through it and Ryan wants to tell him everything. 

“Hey, what’s going on, Voge.” Buster says gently.

“I’m sorry.” Ryan tells him.

“Don’t be. Everyone has tough innings, we just have to pull things back in.” Buster says as if everything is normal

“No. I mean about us.” Ryan says, dropping his voice with significance, “I was being stupid.”

“You really want to talk about this here?” Buster replies incredulously.

“You aren’t returning my calls.” Ryan says.

“My phone was on silent. And I don’t need your pity fucks.” Buster defends irritably.

“Is that what you think this is?” Ryan can’t keep the shock out of his voice.

“Isn’t it? It’s clear you are tired of me. I can take a hint.” Buster looks down at the ground, glove covering his mouth.

Ryan is taken aback. He apparently has totally been misreading the situation. All the while he has been feeling rejected when Buster has been feeling the same way. How stupid and juvenile. Ryan wants to make it right in this instant.

“No... Buster. I... I’ve never let someone else top before. I was just nervous.” He looks away as he says the last bit, feeling like an idiot.

“Why didn’t you say so?” Buster’s eyes meet his.

“I felt stupid. I mean I’m a little old for first times.” As he says it, Ryan realizes that it is true. This isn’t about who is on top but about feeling out of his depth.

“Listen, I don’t care if you never want to. I just miss you.”

“I miss you too, and I want to. I trust you.”

Buster grins a mile wide. It is all Ryan can do not to start making out with him on the field. But he pulls himself together and pitches a respectable game. Waiting after he gets pulled is the hardest thing he has done in a long time, when all he wants is to be alone with Buster.

Buster promises to follow him back to his place, and the twenty minutes it takes for his car to pull up in the driveway are impossibly long. Then Buster is walking in the doorway, though, and Ryan is pushing him up against the wall, kissing him hungrily. 

“God I missed you!” He can’t help exclaiming between ragged breaths. 

His wife has insisted that they enjoy the master bedroom, taking Rider over to a friend’s for the night, and Ryan drags Buster inside as quickly as their frequent stops to shove each other against walls and furniture will allow. Standing in the bedroom at last, Ryan feels the anxiety creeping back momentarily, before Buster gives him a heart melting smile and begins to undress him. Buster’s hands undo Ryan’s shirt one button at a time and with every button Buster finds a new location to suck on as he tells Ryan everything that he likes about his body. 

Buster has Ryan’s shirt open all the way and is rolling it off over his shoulders, leaving light marks on his skin, the kind that will fade in a day or two but still serve as a reminder in the meantime. Ryan slides his hands into the back pockets of Buster’s jeans and pulls him against him, cupping his backside with deliberateness.

“Are you sure about that?” Ryan says, “Maybe you are confusing me with someone else.”

In response Buster drops down on his knees, undoes Ryan’s pants, shoves them down around his ankles, and proceeds to give him the most unrestrained head Ryan has ever experienced from someone sober. Ryan slides his fingers through Buster’s hair, leaning against the wall to steady his shaking legs.

When Buster straightens back up, they are both panting heavily and Ryan kicks off his pants, encouraging Buster to do the same. Their bodies press together as they kiss, “Tonight when you said...” Buster gasps against Ryan’s lips.

“I meant it.” Ryan tells him, “Whatever you want, however you want it.”

“I had an idea.” Buster replies, “I know control is important to you, so I thought maybe you could ride me, take it from on top.”

Ryan groans in response and bites Buster’s shoulder to stifle the sound.

“There is no one here but us, Ryan. Please, I want to hear how you feel.” Buster entreats him.

“Get on the bed.” Ryan tells him, voice heavy with arousal.

He doesn’t have to tell Buster twice. Walking over to the nightstand, Ryan pulls out a bottle of lube and hands it to Buster, who is sitting up with his hand against the headboard.

“Kneel in front of me.” Buster tells him, “I want to keep sucking on your cock while I loosen you up.

“Like this.” Ryan asks, knowing Buster can’t say anything as Ryan fills his mouth. In response, Buster presses his pinkie finger against Ryan’s asshole and pushes in, pulling in and out with the rhythm Ryan is fucking his face with. Ryan takes the hint and slows to a pace that is comfortable, directing Buster to add more lube as needed. He remembers a former lover who got off on rimming him and wonders if Buster would be into that. 

“Another finger.” He tells Buster, pulling back for reentrance, “And this time I want you to touch your self with the other hand.

Buster does as he asks, and Ryan feels a surge of arousal at his obedience, as he directs Buster to fuck him with his hand at the exact pace Ryan feels like.

Finally, Ryan pulls out of Buster’s mouth and slides down to kiss him, feeling Buster’s hard on rub against the cleft of his ass as he moves.

He has to use his hand to line the tip of Buster up with his ass and it takes a few tries to get the angle right, but then he is sinking down onto Buster, feeling himself filling up, finding the right depth for Buster’s dick to rub just right.

Buster is moaning a string of profanities as he tells Ryan how fucking incredible it feels to be inside of him, and that makes Ryan even more worked up as he slowly begins to ride Buster, rubbing his own hard dick and shuddering every time Buster’s tip hits just the right way. 

It takes a while, which Buster seems not to mind at all, swearing and begging and telling Ryan how amazing each thrust feels, but eventually Ryan finds just the right combination of movement to get himself off using Buster’s body and then, more relaxed, he increases the pace and length of movement and brings Buster off within the next few minutes. 

Shaking and exhausted, Ryan disentangles his body from Buster’s and collapses next to him on the bed. Buster curls his body against him.

“That was incredible.” Buster whispers in Ryan’s ear.

“Yeah, we are definitely going to have to try that again.” Ryan agrees, “I should listen to your ideas more often.”

He knows they should really get up and shower, but figures it can wait until his legs stop shaking. Besides, if they shower now, Ryan won’t be able to test out his theory that Buster is just the right height to be fucked against the shower wall with the water sliding down between them. Besides, for once they in a bed big enough to stretch out, even if Buster still decides to curl against Ryan’s body, making himself into a tiny ball. Completely exhausted, Ryan smiles at the thought of what he and Buster might do next. Then he remembers he is supposed to be in the moment and relaxes into the feeling of Buster’s warmth against him, letting go of whatever questions he has about the future. Breath deeply he tells himself, in through the nose and out through the mouth. He falls asleep before he gets any further in his mental exercises.


End file.
